The right way to ask

Our school has a uniform – a fairly basic one: white shirts, school tie, shirt tucked into trousers. Of course, some pupils walk around the corridors with their shirts untucked, which could be accidental or a small act of rebellion. Reminding pupils about the uniform policy is a tiresome task, but as with most things, how you speak to pupils is important.

One day when a pupil passed me in the corridor with his shirt untucked, I spoke to him by name and said, “Richard, you look so smart with your uniform on and your shirt and tie, you need to tuck in your shirt, thanks” and he quickly tucked in his shirt and walked on happily enough remarking to his friend, “I tucked in my shirt because he asked so nicely.”

Be positive assertive rather than authoritarian aggressive. There was a situation I was called into as a Principal Teacher when a boy was completely ignoring the teacher’s instructions and had been excluded to another room. When I came into the room the pupil was sitting with his phone out in his hands and a wry smile on his face. The teacher was obviously rattled and was standing over him shouting “Put your phone away!” The pupil’s smile grew wider and he refused. I said, “Hello John!” (not his real name) “As per school expectations could you please put away your phone. Thanks.” The boy put his phone away, looked up at the other teacher and said, “That’s the way to ask.”

By this time there was steam coming out the other teacher’s ears and to save an even bigger scene I had John follow me into my classroom.

It is best to keep an assertive manner but be positive and pleasant if you expect the pupil to follow your instruction. Instead of standing over them in an aggressive way it is better to walk away and come back to the pupil in around a minute. When you head back, make it your purpose to notice other pupils and ask them how they are doing with their tasks. Nobody likes to be singled out as an especially bad case, and those who are behaving well deserve attention.

If you need to have a further word with the pupil who is not following instructions, try first to lower your voice and lean towards them, not too close, and speak to them quietly but clearly about your expectations.

Haim Ginott wrote about how we wouldn’t have many friends if we spoke to people in the manner that some teachers spoke to their pupils. A wise teacher will talk to children the same way he speaks to visitors at his home.

“What do we say to a guest who forgets her umbrella? Do we run after her and say "What is the matter with you? Every time you come to visit you forget something. If it's not one thing it's another. Why can't you be like your sister? When she comes to visit, she knows how to behave. You're forty-four years old! Will you never learn? I'm not a slave to pick up after you! I bet you'd forget your head if it weren't attached to your shoulders." That's not what we say to a guest. We say, "Here's your umbrella, Alice," without adding "scatterbrain." Parents need to learn to respond to their children as they do to guests.” ― Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent and Child 1965: The Bestselling Classic That Revolutionized Parent-Child Communication